Swinging takes two, so if your the only one that is into it don’t force your partner. This may lead to some serious problems in your marriage or relationship.
Lately, I’ve been reading quite a few blog posts about open relationships. That is, two individuals who are in a committed relationship and openly bump uglies with other people.
There are many opinions on the topic. For example, blogger Nikki B. says, “Why not?” while Feisty Woman says, “Hell to the naw!” It got me thinking about where I stand on the topic and my verdict is:
Now, my general rule for pretty much everything in life is this: Whatever floats your boat.
When finding out if both of you are actually into swinging make sure you don’t sink the boat in the process.
If it’s between consenting adults and no one is getting hurt, then do whatever the heck makes you happy. Hell, peeps can dress up like Smurfs and fuck each other in the ear using hot sauce for lube for all I care — as long as everyone is in agreement and all Smurfs are of age.
However, while it is completely about individual choice, I do see some potential complications with the multiple genital route.
Complication #1: It’s One-Sided
Say you and your partner decide to give it a whirl. Three things can happen:
Both of you are into it. Hurrah! Continue getting freaky with outside parties. Neither of you are into it. Oh, well. Return to monogamy. One of you is into it and the other isn’t. This is where is gets complicated. If you continue with the open relationship, one person will be unhappy. If you go back to monogamy, the other person will be unhappy. Does one person make the sacrifice, or do you end the relationship to find partners who want what you want? What if you and your partner are still in love? A bit of a pickle, eh?
I know a married couple who were swingers. They would go to swinger parties and, you know, swing. This all seemed fine and dandy for a while, until the woman didn’t want to do it anymore.
You see, she really only did it in the first place because he wanted to. After she realized this, they were in that pickle I mentioned. And unfortunately, they had a five-year-old son. They stayed together because of the kid, but the husband fucks around and they are essentially living separate lives under the same roof. Poor kid. Poor adults. Nobody wins.
Complication #2: Your Partner Likes the Other Person More
I know another couple who were swingers. They swung for a spell until the woman fell in love with one of the guys they swung with. Now the original couple are going through a messy divorce. And they have kids, too. Bummer.
This can happen. Sex is an intimate act. It’s not terribly surprising that your partner could form a bond with someone else and leave you in the cold with your pants down.
Complication #3: STDs and Pregnancy
Now we’re getting into practical matters, but they shouldn’t be ignored. Of course, you and your partner should make it a rule to practice safe sex. But we all know shit happens. Maybe the condom breaks. Maybe he sticks it in during the heat of the moment. Maybe you throw caution to the wind a few times. The wrong person could get preggers and everyone could get the herp… or worse. Multiple partners means your risk goes up. Period.
Make sure if your going to have some fun at your local swingers club always take some protection.
But I Still Want to Bang Many!
Okay, Jack and Jessica Rabbit. Calm down. If masses of asses is your bag, then that is A-OK. But I implore you to follow the number one rule for open relationships:
Do it because you really want to.
Not to please your partner. Not because it’s what all the other kids with the pumped up kicks are doing. Not because you’ve identified yourself as a free-wheelin’ nonconformist and that’s what free-wheelin’ nonconformists do. Do it if and only if you really want to, AND if you are 100% comfortable with your partner having sex with other people. Be honest with yourself.
In sum, if an open relationship tickles you and your partner’s G-spot, then by all means, have at it. But do it for the right reasons and understand – and accept — the possible complications before going in.
As for me? I’m a one-penis gal. I get that there are temptations and that sex with one person for the rest of your life can become less than exciting. But for me, the benefits outweigh the drawbacks. Maybe that makes me old-fashioned and uncool, but I know what I want, and I’m proud to let my normal flag fly.
What say you? Party of two or the more the merrier?
Did you take notes on Swinging 101, that was a bit of information to “swallow” at once. If you would like to join more swingers don’t hesitate to join us at Desire Swingers.